In early April, I had my yearly physical and my fasting lab results came back pointing their naughty finger at me.  YOU have high cholesterol!  YOU have borderline diabetes!  I also knew I had a pain in my gut that felt like a tennis ball stuck in my sternum.  I figured it all resulted from poor eating choices and not enough exercise. I had to lose weight.  The pounds had been slowly adding up over the years and I was at the highest my weight has ever been – including when I was 9 1/2 months pregnant!!  I started reading about insulin resistance and glycemic load.  It made sense.  A lot of sense.  I changed a few eating habits and started getting some more exercise.  The exercise part was difficult for me because my job has me on my feet all day long……lifting, bending, walking, walking, walking.  Unfortunately, none of that activity counts because you have to exercise in ADDITION to your normal daily movement.  Our bodies get used to our daily “exercise” and demand more if we want to lose weight and shape up.  Problem is, my feet hurt so bad by the time I get home that walking more is very difficult.  Gosh, I sound old!  Tom and I still try to get out on the trail at least a few days a week when weather permits.  Or, just go walk the streets of Deadwood briskly to get some activity. We have bikes but have not been good about getting on them enough (we live in the “hills” and uphill on a bike is so much harder than walking!!! The only good thing about it is turning around and going downhill!)  Gosh, I sound old and out of shape!!   We bring our bikes inside during the winter and put them up on “trainers” so we can ride inside.  They sit there in our spare room making us feel guilty.  Its boring and uncomfortable and I just plain hate doing it.  So, I don’t.  Ah, so this is why I feel old and out of shape!!

One Saturday morning when we were out visiting local garage sales, we found a semi-recumbent exercise bike that was practically brand new and being sold for a very reasonable price.  It came home with us.  It is comfortable, whisper quiet and gives all sorts of stats, including heart rate when your hand is on the sensor.  I absolutely love it!!  I burn and sweat and push myself because I love it and I can feel it “working”.   I can easily ride for 30 minutes while watching TV and 45-60 minutes while reading a book.  Who knew that I could burn so many calories while reading a book?!  I started doing some simple arm toning with weights. I eliminated starchy carbs like white rice, white potatoes, most bread and “bakery” goods from my diet, walked and rode my fun new bike, and was able to lose 10 pounds before my surgery.  I know that my recovery has gone better because of it and I so look forward to getting back to my exercise routine when I’m able and allowed to.  My original goal was to get my bad cholesterol and glucose levels down with lifestyle changes and to avoid taking medicine for it.  My new goal is to get myself in excellent physical health so that when I retire, I can still hike back to hidden waterfalls and have lots of energy and good health to do all the things I want to do and all the things I don’t even know yet that I want to do!

Several years ago, I had an excruciating bout of sciatica.  The triggers and pain routes of sciatica seem to be a little different for everyone.  Mine was much worse first thing in the morning and also when sitting.  Tom would slide ice packs under my back for 20 minutes every morning before I could even think about getting out of bed.  I avoided sitting whenever possible.  Long car trips were practically impossible and required lots of stops.  I discovered that deep growling helped relieve the pain and would growl while I drove.  Yes, growling.  It works.  Try it next time you are in pain and you’ll understand.  I avoided any type of activity that required sitting (movies, restaurants, etc.) and would stand for meetings, church, and other events that normal people sit for.   After months of physical therapy, traction and a prescription strength anti-inflammatory called Mobic, I had the pain level down to tolerable and manageable.  To this day, I stand whenever possible.  I stand so much that it makes people uncomfortable.  My desk at work is set up for standing.  I still do my stretches and have a home traction device for flare-ups.  I have tried to go off the anti-inflammatory several times but the symptoms come back so I continue to take the stupid little pill. I was able to reduce the dosage, but I can’t completely stop taking it.  In fact, I have now discovered that the anti-inflammatory is also working at reducing symptoms of what is evidently arthritis.  When I have to stop taking the pill (for medical reasons like CT Scans, scopes and surgery), the first thing that starts to hurt are my feet, knees and joints, then the sciatica pain starts to creep in.

So, this brings me to the semi-frustrated place I am in right now.  Idle-ness.  I really don’t do it well.  I even planned for it with lots of books, movies and art projects at my fingertips.  I have been sitting for almost three weeks now.  Plain and simple, the act of sitting “hurts”.  My ribs are sore.  My back is sore.  My feet hurt more from sitting than they do from walking!  My right knee aches all the time and makes me limp like an old woman.  I had to stop taking the Mobic (anti-inflammatory) a week before my surgery, so I was already very sore by the time I went under the knife. I also had to stop drinking my morning protein/probiotic/vitamin shake and taking all of my vitamins a week before the surgery.   I also had to do a bowel prep before surgery, so I was dehydrated when they went to find a vein for the IV.  I have several unsuccessful sites and also had to have the IV moved three times post surgery.  One of those veins is extremely sore and also seems to have affected my elbow joint on my right arm, causing pain every time I move it.    Wow!  I’m really starting to sound like a whiner!  My main point is,  most of my current aches and pains don’t have anything to do with my abdomen or the actual surgery.  I still have an open hole in my stomach from the abscess that is being packed daily.  It’s sore and definitely inconvenient, but is not my main source of pain.  In fact, I really think if I could start taking the Mobic again and move more, I’m sure I would feel so very much better!  It all hinges on a stupid little pill and I hate that!  The only exercising I am allowed to do is walking, so I have tried to increase my steps each day.  I’m still weak and its easy to overdo it.  I have been reducing the pain med (Percocet) over the last several days, but can’t eliminate it completely just yet.  I feel good enough to be upset with not feeling better.

Tomorrow marks three weeks since my surgery.  I go back to work in three weeks.  Right now, I can’t even imagine having the strength and energy I need to meet my normal work day, much less walk from the parking lot to my office!!  I know that God meets me in this moment.  The one I am experiencing now.  He has never failed to provide me with the strength necessary to meet whatever I am going through.  The only time I don’t feel His Peace with me is when I start projecting into the future or worrying about something that doesn’t exist or hasn’t happened.  I want to imagine a time when I am stronger and physically able to do more, but really all I need is the strength for today.  The mood I’m in is mine to choose.

I have an easel and canvas set up in my studio, next to the window overlooking our backyard.  Glass is my normal medium, but today I choose paint.  I don’t have the energy or strength for glass yet.  Paint flows easily and the colors will lift my mood.  The view out my back door reminds me of the beauty I am surrounded by and my place in it.

Shelby just walked in the door.  I feel better already!!!

SEVERAL HOURS LATER…………(I named Shelby’s painting “peace” and she named mine “serenity”.  Those two words pretty much sum up the day with my daughter.  Thanks Shelb!)